It's hard facing this again: rejection. It's hard because I feel like the last five years without was a cheat or that I was cheated because it was a trick to a false sense of security. It's been nearly five years since Shayna's last official rejection and four since we really had to work hard for her health. There's no reason for this rejection; it just is and it just sucks. (By "reason" I mean there really is no medically known or even guessed at reason for her to be in rejection; it just happens.) It also sucks because Shayna gets a real taste of the hand she's been dealt. I get to begin to teach my precious, precocious, beautiful, brilliant, spunky, creative six-year-old just how delicate a balance her life can be. (She sang a song on the way home from Pittsburgh about how she wished she had never needed a liver transplant.) We talk a lot. We keep it at her level but we also don't hide from any of it. With all this, that old fire has been rekindled: I will do anything for my child. I remembered the determination I used to have and wondered, since I didn't feel it as much recently, was something wrong with me? No. I just didn't need it. Now I need it again so it's back. I am determined to do anything for this child to give her as healthy, strong, and full a life I can.
We have labs tomorrow and at least every week as we hope to begin weaning her from the steroid prednisone. It's only been a day, but she already needs less sleep and more food. I'm going to start a Tuesday lab day routine next week so I hope we'll be able to begin weaning by then. Otherwise, Shayna is happy and feels no worse for wear. After riding bikes out front with Elijah today, she played with Maya in the back yard, "chasing" her around, both of them laughing. Shayna's face was also beaming with pride when she spotted Nahum and I smiling at them from the window.
From a warm week a month ago, but so appropriate for today.
Shayna started Kindergarden today at Kipps Elementary School with an 8AM bus boarding. We got a late start on the day but made it out front with 30 seconds to spare before bus #17 came around the corner. Shayna and her friend Amanda climbed aboard without a backward glance. After a few minutes of indecision, I put Elijah and Maya in the car to meet the bus at school to get a few more pictures of Shayna on her first day. I was in luck when she got off her bus first and again when I peaked into her classroom 5 minutes later. Shayna was sitting at her desk studiously working on whatever drawing project the teacher had asked her to do. I am so proud of how she has embraced this next step in life. Her attitude has also made it much easier on me. It was hard watching my baby mark off to Kindergarden.
Amanda's three-year-old brother Ben met the bus with us this morning so Elijah asked Ben's nanny if Ben could stay to play now that the girls were gone. We made plans for a playdate after my visit to school which quickly morphed into a movie date when some other friends invited Ben to $1 movie at the local Cinema. Alaina took Ben and Elijah to their first movie on the big screen: Turbo, about a snail who wants to race. Apparently, the boys got bored half way through and started playing instead of watching the movie.
Waiting for the coming bus with Amanda, and Nahum, Ben and Elijah as spectators.
She didn't even look back and luckily Elijah didn't cry. In fact, he says he's ready for Kindergarten too.
I love the I got her getting off the bus at school. I got to give her a hug before she went inside.
Shayna, already hard at work, didn't even notice me.
Elijah was rewarded for his morning patience with his first donut hole while I met some more people at Shayna's school
Maya, who is 10-months and 1-week-old, has become quite the little adventurer. I think she'll take her first unassisted steps by next Monday. Her first day involved stairs. I was putting away groceries in the house and garage when she decide she didn't want to crawl around the garage anymore. She climbed up all three steps unassisted. I turned around to find her happily climbing into the house. Luckily, she still won't attempt to go down yet.
Aug 2: Maya enjoyed watching Shayna in the sand box while I did some garden work.
Aug. 7: Maya enjoys some corn on the cob. She doesn't eat much of anything but she enjoys trying everything.
It's been raining since last night so I knew the kids would not be getting outside at school today. I went to get them early with the intention of going to the pool but Maya and I ended up staying for song time with Elijah's class. Maya was a distraction for the little kids as they all want to sit next to her and pet her but we were able to enjoy some fine ukulele playing and singing by Ms. Rachel anyway. Unfortunately, we ran out of time to swim so we stopped at Heathwood pond to look for puddles.
The grass had many but the the highlight was the feeder and drainage creeks. The feeder creek had over flowed it's banks so all four of us stomped in the grassy creek with Elijah and Shayna venturing into the deeper, muddier, main creek parts. While they ran and splashed, Maya and I went on looking for more fun and found our first baby geese of the season. The four of us checked out the four goslings napping on the path around the pond near the sand volley ball court and found more puddles in the sand. Maya loved this new experience with the wet sand squishing between her toes as she made her hop-stomping attempts. We then followed the drainage creek down the hill to the little forested area at the end of the grassy field. This was where I really wished I had my camera, or even my phone which I had left at home. Watching the kids run on the soft green grass over hung by wet, dripping trees was beautiful. Shayna and Elijah hopped into the creek and followed it around a couple corners while Maya enthusiatically hung by her armpits to do her hop-stomping in another muddy puddle.
It was not the wet fun I had intended but it was wonderful to just play and explore with my kids while the sky softly dripped.
Since I did not have a camera today, here are some pictures from Saturday where we, yet again, went out in the rain. That time to the farmers market where we found ice cream and puddles.
We made a few people's day with our 7-month-old baby happily hop-stomping in the puddle.
Nov. 15: checking out the neighborhood construction with all my kiddos.
It would be hard to make life with Maya any better. From the second she was born, she has been a magical little one in every way possible. It started with her not having any medical conditions. To have been blessed with a healthy and medically un-needy child is beyond our wildest dreams, and something I was beginning to wonder might be just a figment of our imagination.
Shayna loved Maya from the moment she knew Maya existed in my belly. That love only grew stronger when we brought Maya home. Shayna lays on the floor next to Maya singing Shayna songs about joining our family, growing up, and learning. Elijah preferred the ignore it and it will go away approach but after watching Shayna for a few days, he decided that loving on Maya was a much better thing. He's even sung a few songs to Maya in Shayna fashion.
Maya has been all one could ask for in a baby. She nurses well but hasn't gained weight like she wants to be a sumo wrestler so carrying her is still easy. She sleeps easily. In fact, Shayna would tell me, "can't you wake that baby up so I can see her eyes," or, "let's call her Sleepy not Maya." She yells at me when something is bothering her (hungry, tired, wet). (In fact, she loves getting her diaper changed.) As soon as the problem is fixed, she's back to her mellow self.
She's given me recognition smiles since birth and started with social smiles around five-weeks-old. She started to do little laughs at 10-weeks which she saves mainly for me or her mobile. When I put her under her mobile, she either gasps with joy or does a little internal-style chuckle and grins with anticipation just before I turn it on. When she's dry, fed, and rested, she can't decide who she loves more Shayna or me as her whole body lights up when we come to talk with her. She's been delightfully cooing back to us for the last three weeks. Nothing makes my heart lighter than a conversation with Maya.
It's been a dream for me to relax and enjoy this baby time as it goes so fast. At this point I was still enjoying Shayna I'm sure but what followed has left those memories as only fleeting glimpses. At this point with Elijah, I was still heavily traumatized by his birth and heart-monitoring needs and I was sinking into my own pit of heavy depression so my main memories are of the slog life was to me. With Maya, I'm relaxed and happy so am able to bask in the glow of new life. Yes, the days are a little frantic with three kids to keep track of but we started with lots of help in the form of visiting grandparents. Since then, Nahum has been great about taking the other kids in the evening so I can care for Maya. For instance on Sunday, Maya was having a rough afternoon so after dinner she and I went to take a bath. We fully relaxed in the warm water while she lay on my chest. We had some great conversations, beautiful smiles and even a few little laughs while Nahum played with Shayna and Elijah and their new toys from the Solstice Fairies (that's for another blog). Maya and I also have a few hours each morning to ourselves as the big kids are both in preschool. I've been so relaxed I started Elimination Communication with Maya at six-weeks (something I thought impossible). We only do it when it feels natural and I'm not stressed so she's reacted wonderfully. We still have more misses than catches most days and I don't leap out of bed at night to take her potty. If I catch her signals before she's wet, we get a catch. If not, she gets a fresh diaper. I haven't quite figured out what to do in the grocery store but I am getting braver about setting her on her potty in front of friends.
On Sunday, Maya was 11-weeks-old. To celebrate, she found her fingers on the hand she has been chewing all week. It was so cute to watch her suck her little fingers like Shayna did at that age. I also got proof of my suspicions about her excessive hand chewing and drooling, my sweet baby is teething. She has two little bumps rising on her bottom gums in the front. That also explains her fussy evening. Thank goodness she found her hand.
Nov. 27: Elijah and Shayna on their own in the pool for the first time. (I was on deck with Maya.)
Nov. 27: My sweet little kids.
Nov. 28: Maya and her great love.
Beautiful sisters.
Dec. 12: A kiddo pile.
Dec. 17: Elijah takes Shayna Cat for a walk. Dec. 22: Elijah enjoying some puddle stomping.
Maya vigorously sucking on her newly found fingers. Shayna with and in her new presents from the Solstice Fairies.
Shayna had another amazing year and we had another wonderful party to celebrate her second life. Her favorite thing about this year was Maya Lynn. Shayna had been asking me when Aba and I would "get married again" so we can have another baby and she could have a baby sister. Since this year brought the blessing of Maya Lynn and Liverday is about our family getting a second chance to be whole, we celebrated Shayna's health and welcomed Maya Lynn to the world.
Shayna continues to astound us with her vivacity, joy, unique intelligent, compassion, and health. We have had one of the best years health wise for Shayna. Her lab values have been fantastic all year and we've seen the doctor so little it makes me nervous, happy but nervous still. She loves to tell stories and make up songs for us. She gets along with everyone she meets and is amazingly friendly wherever we go. One of my favorite things now is watching her play make-believe with her friends. We have at least one play date a week and she and her friends always come up with new adventures to act out about heroic fairies, princesses, or fairy princesses. The other is watching her sing her made-up songs to Maya, which Maya adores.
Maya Lynn was born on October 6, 2013 at 11:04pm weighing 9lbs3oz and being at least 21" long. (She never fit into newborn clothes so we know for sure the official measurement of 20" was too short.) Her name honors two great-grandmothers. Nahum's maternal grandmother was Margareta so the name Maya honors her. Patricia's maternal grandmother was Carolyn but went by Lynn. Both women were very strong minded, intelligent women who fearlessly stood up for what they believed in. Lynn raised two very young daughters alone after her husband passed away when the oldest was seven and throughout it all was a strong-voiced, community leader making sure her girls would continue to have a better world. Margareta's conviction and strength was test more. She was named one of the Righteous Among the Nations for her work in Nazi-occupied Paris during World War II. While we hope Maya's life will be easier than both her ancestors, we also hope that she may have their strength of character and conviction in all she pursues and does.
It all started the week before we received the surprising news that we were expecting our third child. Nahum had two international conferences in June that seemed important to his career prompting him to ask if I could fly with the kids myself to Israel at the end of June while he would meet us there fresh from his 2nd conference in Sicily. Personally, I saw little problem with this but was still a little frustrated by the request. Yes, it would be a challenging trip but nothing I didn't think I could handle. My annoyance of the request came because he can't even take the kids to the beach on his own while we're in Israel, and other "little" things like that. So we bought tickets then found out I would be traveling at 6-months-pregnant. We discussed changing plans, skipping a conference, moving the trip, but I didn't see the need. And, indeed, it turned out to be a wonderful trip.
The kids and I headed out Friday June 28th after the easiest trip-packing I'd ever done. The weather in Philadelphia delayed our flight long enough (5 hours) that we missed our flight to Israel prompting a 2 day layover. We had a studio apartment style hotel room, swam in the hotel's pool and got to spend an afternoon with our dear friend Katie (she was our nanny/mother's-helper in Pittsburgh during our transplant stay and hadn't seen here since). It turned into a very enjoyable layover and gave Nahum and his brother David some quality time together they haven't had in years. The only 3 seats together on the Sunday flight were in first class so poor us had no choice but the get bumped (no extra charge) to first class making the flight relaxing as well (chairs that turn in to beds!). The first-classers were a bit anxious watching me and two small children join them but we got the usual compliments at the end of the flight, "what wonderful children," because they slept well and Elijah only fussed when he had to stay seat-belted during takeoff and landing.
Visiting Katie.
Chair beds; so wonderful!
The picture at the top sums up one of the two main joys of our trip: the beach and sea were a highlight for each of us. Neither child would touch the water on the 1st trip there but loved the sand. On the 3rd trip, I had both of them in the water (we left Nahum to his sleep and work at the apartment) getting slashed by the waves. By the 6th, and final, trip, both kids cared little for the sand preferring to be splashed, pushed and knocked about by the waves instead. The waves were larger and more intense than usual but I was still able to swim out past the breaks (about twice as far as a normal year and more than twice the work) to float on my back on the rolling waves. Nahum enjoy his sea time body surfing. We had to watch for jellyfish. We saw 5 but all were only stung by particles in the water. Luckily, the kids noticed the discomfort less than Nahum and I.
Playing in the water at Hof HaSharon.
The other highlight was all the time we spent with family and friends. At the end of the day, that's what makes me want to move to Israel. It's so lonely in Blacksburg after being surrounded by so much family and seeing Nahum's wonderful, old friends and their families. We even attended a Bat Mitzvah for one of their daughters' (my first such event). It was a simple coming-of-age celebration and made me wish we had those types of things in American culture. (Since I'm not Jewish, the kids aren't so I'm not sure what we'll be doing for them.) I was too busy enjoying the company to take many pictures of our visits so I would like to thank Yael and Kobi for a beautiful and relaxing afternoon at their country house and Dani and Sharon for sharing their view from their 29th floor, Tel Aviv apartment while our children ran amok with theirs. We spent much time in Saba Dov and Savta Lea's facility's pool (we were in some for of water at least every 2 out of 3 days during our trip). We found a babysitter for the last week which helped a lot while Nahum worked at the Technion for two days. I also took the kids on a 1/2 hour train ride to Tel Aviv. We got off at the Tel Aviv University stop and spent a couple hours a Park HaYarkon before taking the train home. Elijah cried when we got off the train both times and constantly asked to go back to the train station for the rest of the week. All three Shabat dinners were wonderful family events.
Visiting with dear friends at the Bat Mitzvah: Yael, Eli, Eyal, and Nahum
Riding the train to Tel Aviv and watching the trains as we wait for our train home.
Elijah feeding some of his cookie to Savta Lea.
Elijah reading with Uncle Dudi and Shayna being tickled by her (still) favorite cousin Adi.
Dov and Lea with all their grandkids: Dan, Ran, Yelka, Dov, Elijah, Lea, Adi, Shayna and Ben.
The trip home on Saturday/Sunday the 21st/22nd was long but uneventful. My ankles and calves swelled on the 12hr transatlantic flight so I spent some time laying on the airport floor with my feet up or walking. Sleep was also hard to come by as only certain positions kept the kid out of my lungs and those weren't that comfortable for sleep. Luckily, there were some enjoyable movies to watch. The playground at the airport was a highlight as usual (I love Philadelphia for that).
Fun at the Philadelphia Airport.
It was a joy to travel with older kids. Packing was a breeze compared to every other trip we've taken and we were able to do so much more. Traveling while 6/7-months pregnant was not such a breeze, but traveling with a baby next year will bring its own challenges. It was also wonderful to get to do so much the four of us together. For me, just having a partner in the normal affairs of domestic life makes everything nicer let alone almost always having a second parent around for all our little trips.
Now we just wait for baby while enjoying the rest of our mild Blacksburg summer. I'm trying to take the kids swimming at least twice a week to keep them comfortable in the water (they made huge advances while in Israel). I'm also enjoying getting back into crossfit. I have to at least tweak every workout but everyone there is incredibly supportive no matter what one's ability so this has yet to be an issue. Thanks to all the rain, catching up with the gardens hasn't been too trying. The weeds took over while we were gone but they pop out easily with the damp soil making weeding a pleasure while the kids play outside.
Every time it rains (about 1/2 the days since my last post) and Elijah finds out, "Right back. Outside. Rain," and he heads for the door with Shayna close behind. On the last day of school, they didn't even make it outside while we got 1.5" of rain so I brought towels and dry clothes with the plans of puddle searching and splashing in the rain. We got lucky with a huge puddle at the bottom of the school parking lot, away from the child-pick-up car parade, and leading into a long swale in the grass. The kids had a good half-hour of wet, splashing fun before we had to head home for naps. We were joined briefly by one of Shayna's classmates and another got a very wet good-bye hug from Shayna. (See pictures and video below.)
We did have a brief heat wave in between days of rain when I got out our new, huge pool. Elijah mainly loves filling his watering can and buckets to water the grass, garden and chalk pictures on the driveway. While Shayna loves doing that as well, she also spent much time splashing and playing in the water. On the first day with the big pool, we even had her friend Peyton over who enjoyed it just as much.
We've had some park picnic's with friends after school. We've done three with friends and at least two on our own in the last month around one of the two duck ponds in town. There's a small pond on the way to the kids' school that's fairly flat so I bring the kids' bikes. Shayna's biking skills have improved tremendously. She's up to going faster (she started at, and would freak out if she went faster than, Elijah's walking pace) so she can make it up the slight inclines and over the tree-root bumps in the path. She can get up steeper hills too as her legs seem to be getting a lot stronger. Her breaking has also greatly improved, which was my biggest safely concern. Instead of freaking out, screaming, then falling, she puts on her breaks. The bigger hills are still and issue from which she had to be rescued once as she careened straight (luckily) back down a hill she'd just heroically gotten most of the way up. My fast moving friend Sarah (she's been trained by her 4 boys) caught Shayna before anything bad happened. (Sarah followed this rescue 10 minutes later when she fished Elijah out of the creek he tipped into while I had a slow-moving, I'm-pregnant-and-in-pain, and sore-from-too-much-exercise day.) Elijah has a tricycle with an adult push-handle on the back and just recently graduated from feet being on the stationary pegs to legs-long-enough to put his feet on the peddles. He still doesn't get the peddling himself concept but loves being pushed along any trail.
Nahum was in Germany for a conference last week so we kept sane as best as possible. We're training a new mother's helper for the summer so she was a big asset as I took myself to dinner twice and had some down time while someone else chased the kids. We also enjoyed a breakfast out where the kids were marvelously well behaved. I did cheat a little with Elijah and let him play games on my phone while we waited for our food and for Shayna and I to finish our breakfasts after he inhaled his. Shayna knew the morning plan but Elijah wasn't sure what was going on so showed some concern. All he knew what he had only eaten 1/2 an apple so was leaving the house like it was time for school on a near empty stomach. He was quite happy that we ended up driving in another direction and quickly settled in for the new adventure trusting, I'm sure, that I would feed him soon. I got even braver and busted out the multi-color water colors that afternoon. Shayna had some practice at school but Elijah had never seen such a remarkable thing. He fell quickly in step with rinsing his brush before getting more paint. The concentration on his face was priceless so I videoed about 10 minutes of painting. Don't worry; it's not all included here but can be made available to Grandpa Michael on request.
Speaking of Grandpa Michael, Elijah's still in love with him and can't wait for his October return. I took the kids to the neighborhood creek about a week after Michael had left from his May visit and Nahum came home from work while we out.
Me: Elijah, let's go home to see Aba. Do you want to go see Aba?
Elijah: No. (said quickly, short and to the point)
Me: What do you want to do?
Elijah: uhhhhh...GranpaMichael. (it's one word to him)
Since Michael left, seeing him again has been a normal request by Elijah.
Enjoy the pictures because I'm done writing for today.
May 19: Helping Aba open a coconut.
May 24: Reading the look-n-find book together.
Beginning of June: Three best friends: Addison, Shayna, and Peyton.
The rest is all from June 6. The last day of school and the day we got 1.5" of rain.
